Tuesday, July 28, 2009


This is just something I was thinking about the last little while. I thought it deserved a blog entry.

You were in a relationship and then you were dumped. Time to rebound.

The words rebound and relationship, when used together, have negative connotations. I picture a quick one-night stand with casual and maybe aggressively angry sex. Wikipedia, a very reputable, haha, source of information, says the following.

“Someone who is "on the rebound," or recently out of a serious dating relationship, is popularly believed to be psychologically incapable of making reasonable decisions regarding suitable partners due to emotional neediness, lingering feelings towards the old partner, or unresolved problems from the previous relationship. Rebound relationships are believed to be short-lived due to one partner's emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break up, and those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed.”

Admittedly, there is some wisdom in the previous statement. Especially if you were totally in love with the person that dumped you. Just like a ball that is dropped, when you rebound, it is impossible to attain the height you were dropped from. The feelings you are having from being dumped prevent you from getting back up there, just like friction prevents the ball from getting back up to that height. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Which is also incapable of reaching it’s original height without any form of propulsion. There are many different reasons why people get caught up in rebound relationships. They aren’t all going to be one-night stands or casual sexual encounters. People like feeling loved and connecting with one another. It’s hard feeling the rejection and feeling unwanted. Getting back into the game early on helps ease those unwanted and rejected feelings.

What if you are the one dumping somebody. Is it fair to say that your next relationship is going to be a rebound? Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. If I was going to break up with someone, I would hope that the next person I was with, was at a higher level than the previous person. I’m not saying the next person would be better. I’m saying the next person would be better suited to me. The difference being that some people click and some don’t. I would need some extra momentum to get myself past the previous height. All further relationships should propell you higher until you get what it is you’ve always wanted or deserve. Check your bait, do you have what it takes to attract better? Do you feel that you deserve better?

What if you are hoping for this ideal person? You have a list of characteristics you want that person to have. Doesn’t that person deserve the same from you as what you are expecting from them? Let’s be totally honest with ourselves. What flaws do you think you have? Can you work on them? Are they impossible habits to break? Are they inate flaws due to genetics or are they learned behaviours that could be improved upon? Do you want to become a better person badly enough?

I think those questions are a good start to self-improvement. They can help you past the temptation of self-distructing rebounds. They may feel good at the time but they are more trouble than they are worth. Feelings eventually get hurt because we don’t live in a perfect world. Ask yourself this, are you rebounding to ease the loneliness, hurt, and painful suffering? Or are you going into a new relationship intending to try harder and be a better person. If you love somebody worthy, wouldn’t you want to continually strive to be a better person for them and for yourself?

My hope is that the other person will always be worth the effort.

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