I'm sure you've heard many times before that Love finds you when you aren't looking. I thought that was rubbish! How can it have a chance to find you if you aren't open to the idea or looking for it?
I had decided I didn't need to concentrate on finding anyone. I would date when the opportunity came but I wouldn't look any longer. I was just content at where my life was at the moment. I had finally forgiven the father of my children. I heard EVERYTHING from him that I always wanted to hear. All I really wanted was an "I'm sorry." I wanted a heartfelt one. I wanted him to realize how I felt and realize that he was wrong. Once those conditions were met, I let go all the anger and hurt. It was like a big sigh of relief, literally. I was on the phone with him and I breathed deeply and just smiled. Something shifted inside of me. The world was once again a wonderful place to live in and I didn't hate anymore. I had my family, kids, and friends. I really didn't need more than that any longer. I wasn't NOT looking anymore but I was just going to live my life the way it was going and be happy.
I started deleting online profiles. I was tired of the types of people that would show interest. There wasn't a lot of genuine people out there. I will admit that I met a few but most of them were shallow and idiotic. I do have a lot of funny stories to tell though! Remind me to tell you about the former goth guy that liked pink and pain. I also have new theories on Penis Size and the direct correlation between that and sexual skill... uh I think we need to change the subject. Anyway, I deleted my online profiles! I decluttered my online life. Made new friends, got rid of some old ones, that kind of thing. I did most of my socializing online because my real life doesn't leave me much leeway to go out and meet people. I couldn't really think of an alternative besides going back to church and attending single's wards. No thank you. For instance, they wouldn't appreciate my theories on Penis size. Among other things. I'm not saying I'm a bad person. I don't lie, cheat, steal, drunkenly sleep with half the members of the college football team, or anything else too racey or dangerous.
I met someone. I wasn't out looking. I didn't meet them on the internet. Basically fate stepped in and I was just being myself. I felt he needed a friend and I started talking to him. WHAM!! No longer am I worried about the various types of love and not being able to tell if it's the correct one or not. I always wondered about it because I never felt IT! The BIG I T. IT! Anyway, enough sap. All is great and I now have a permanent cheesy grin to go with my ensemble. I guess I'm finally fully dressed... Not that I ever had problems smiling before. This one is just different.