Sunday, August 31, 2008

My sistahs!


This weekend I was able to hang out with my awesome sisters. I don't get to see them enough! Amy is the one on the left. She is my twin sister and also pregnant. I can't wait to meet the little person she is cookin up in her tummy oven. Whenever I need a pick me up, I call her and she lets me know how awesome I am. She thinks I'm the best person in the world! That's hard to live up to but it's nice to know someone thinks highly of you. The sister in the middle is Jen. She's a school teacher and I really respect her a lot. She works hard and plays harder. She likes to interject reality checks in people's lives. She usually does it with a great deal of humor so you can't help laughing but being annoyed at the same time with her nosiness. I'm the one on the right! I'm pretty much cute. Anyway we had a lot of fun and they had to leave way too soon. When we were younger and in the dating stages of life, we used to tease each other a lot. Whenever one of your boyfriends or dates would say something dumb we would sarcastically say, "He's a keeper." Jen found these shirts at American Eagle one time and she had to get one for all of us. We wear them with pride whenever we are together in the same place. We are all keepers! They also make really great St. Patrick's day shirts.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Nia's playtime

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkLno-MUDqg

Nia singing into a bucket! It's the cool thing to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP6undtPrZw

Nia doing the hop dance she choreographed herself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w75dOvaXAHQ

Nia giving cute kisses. Gosh she is adorable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBu8fjfFLBI

She was still saying Yeehaw as she was watching the video.

This is what we do when her brother is at school.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I hate that I hate

I hate that you stole my future
I hate that you tainted my past
I hate that you can move on easily
I hate that you have to still be a part of my world
I hate that so many of my firsts were with you
I hate that you never meant how much you said you loved me
I hate how selfish you are with everything
I hate that you feel no remorse
I hate that you can still inspire me to hate.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Poems for my kids


NIA

Flitting to and fro like a hummingbird.
Delicate and constantly moving.

Teasing with mischievous delight
amid impish squeals of laughter.
Giggling and illusive

Insatiable curiosity leading to
wondrous discoveries.
Exploring and testing limits

Intolerant of the injustices
that affect her and those she
loves.
Courageous and protecting.







KADEN


Imagination taking him to far off places.
DRAGONS!
EVIL WIZARDS!
SPACESHIPS!
GIANT OCTOPUS!

Speaking the world's truths,
unintentionally humorous.
Capturing your heart.

Logically arguing, dismantling
rules and boundaries.
Asking why

Content with the simple things
Innocence intact
Believing in magic
Beautiful dreamer
Unconditional love



Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Caught in the act of trying to steal my car!

When I came out of work today this little guy was industriously building his new habitat on my car! The little scamp was moving in. I had so much fun watching him make the web, it was for sure better than seeing it on TV! He didn't survive the trip home unfortunately. The wind carried him away to another place.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Contemplation of a 4 letter word

I've been contemplating lately what the signs of love are. I thought I knew at one point but now of course I'm questioning that. How can I tell when I'm IN love and when I just love someone? I've always loved people very easily. There is usually something to value in everyone. When I was growing up, my mom told me that it's hard to get along with everyone you come in contact with. If you move past anything annoying and really look for something you admire or like in a person, then it's easier to dismiss everything else that you didn't like in the first place. That was the general idea that she was trying to convey to me. I have tried to always do that in my life. I honestly have only had to use that trick maybe once or twice before and it has always worked for me. The simple thought of knowing that there is something worthwhile about every person, even if you can't see it at first, helps me get along with them early. I think that may be why it's hard for me to know at this point. It's scary for me to know this about myself and then want to make myself vulnerable again.

Anyway, back to the original question. How can I tell which love I'm feeling? Is it strictly an added element of attraction? It's hard to know when you think everyone you meet is worthy of love.

I'm relatively new at the concept of being heartbroken. Of course there were times before my marriage that my feelings would be unrequited but it isn't the same at all. When it's unrequited, it's pretty crappy the whole time but it doesn't take on any more depth than that. It's a difference of feeling hurt and feeling utterly betrayed.

How do you move past it?

So these are just my random thoughts I've had lately on the subject. The answers are what I'll be working on and looking for.

A time in my life when I learned to appreciate things better

This was just something I had written that I wanted to save. I wrote it in February of 2001.


When my husband first came to Germany I was too pregnant to come with him so I had to keep myself occupied since I didn't have access to EQ at the time. Well I decided to volunteer for a nursing home and they had an orientation with hand outs on how to recognize the signs of approaching death and the family's reactions to it. I thought that was sort of cool to prepare us, but as I sat in a lady's room holding her hand for hours because she was too scared to die alone, I realized how inadequate the stupid thing was. I sat there and played music for her and sang to her and talked to her. She was way too far gone to respond at all. She went from a smile at the first of the day, to just clutching my hand and being off in her own little world. I couldn't let go and I sat there and felt bad that I didn't know that woman when she was younger. She died that night, I think one of her busy family members was able to come for the last bit so she didn't die alone. I wanted to stay with her but after 10 hours I didn't have the energy anymore. I had to keep thinking of the new life that I would be bringing into the world within a few months or I would have cried the whole time. It was Valentines day. I think I told everyone I knew that I loved them that day. Sometimes life gets busy and I forget to stop and enjoy the moment. Those beautiful, peaceful, happy moments you can have are what make life worth living from day to day. They crowd out the bad things and make your heart warm. It's when you feel genuine joy at being alive. Anyway I'm done rambling. I was just thinking about this today for no particular reason and needed to let it out.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Another old poem I wrote myself

This one is about 5 years old.

Words bubbling out unabated
Giggling
Scraped knees ignored in the joy of freedom
Secrets
Forever friendship oaths
Believing
Newness in every encounter
Faith
Emulating heroic figures
Action!
Unconditional love
Trust
Smiles in place
until
the world crowds in
Growing up
losing innocence

Sunday, August 17, 2008

poem

This was originally written like 10 years ago or so.
My little sister writes beautiful poetry so one time her and I were discussing how she picks the words for her poetry and stuff. We saw some poetry contest we wanted to enter a stupid poem for. Something silly and just fun. We called it Ode to life's fungi....well it didn't turn out the way we wanted it, it was supposed to be funny and sarcastic. SO here it is, an original poem written by Natalie and Jennifer.

Ode To Life's Fungi

As I stare through a grimy window, I see society at its
worst.
I think about this world and can't help knowing we are
cursed.
I see people hurting each other and living in lies.
Did God really make this world or is it a disguise.
When will we be free from life's corruptible pain?
We're already too late to save a world that's insane.
Soon everybody will see there is not point to this existance,
As long as we keep going along the path of less resistance.
Can we change? Is there a chance? Is there a choice?

Some random happenings

On Thursday one of my volunteer's at work gave me a compliment. I told her I liked coming in to work on Thursdays because she always says something nice to me. She informed me that, "The people that don't give compliments are the jealous ones." I think that's an excellent way to look at life! Either people will compliment you or they still think those same things but don't say it out loud because they are jealous.

On Friday I had to take my step brother, Kyle, to school because he is a slacker and didn't arrange for another way to get there that day. Because of that, I was really early taking Kaden to school. He likes that because he can play on the playground for a bit before the bell rings. Nia wanted so badly to run and play there with him but she's just too little. Those wild kids would just run right over her. I wouldn't let her go so she got mad at me. It wasn't too much later that a bunch of 1st grader girls came over to say hi to her. Nia is even better than a doll! She's also better than a puppy. They were playing hopscotch with her and holding her hand and carrying her around. She was in absolute heaven. She is starting to become a lot less shy and more social. She will wave at people and smile and talk to them a little bit now. She ran to one of the hopscotch areas and turned to her new fan club and said, "Hop?" It was really adorable watching her play with those cute girls.

Today Kaden said he looked hideous because the pirate hat he was wearing had a skull that was smiling. That skull shouldn't have been so happy. I just thought that was a crack up. Then we proceeded to talk about what we wanted to be for Halloween. He decided that being a Teenage Mutant Ninja turtle would be the absolute best because they are the most awesome. I asked him if I could be bat girl and he said only skinny girls can be bat girl. He said I could be a ghost. I tell ya, it's a good thing I love that kid! It did make me laugh though.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

drunken post :p

Do you ever feel like a clown? Smiling but really crying. Life brings us up but reality crashes us back down. Why can't the two ever agree? It's always funny that people wish you the best. Do they ever stop and think long enough about what that really is? The best for us isn't always the best for someone else. It all sounds so superficial. I wish you the best! What do they really mean? The best donut? Well that's easy, just give them the best that Krispy kreme has to offer. Then you have fulfilled your duty in life. The best is an illusion that most of us hope to achieve but few ever do.

Stupid

Why does love make us so vulnerable? Why can't we retain who we are amid this emotion.? I lose myself every time.


Sounds like an emo poem. Lovely :p