Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Nice Guys"

We've all heard the phrase "you are just TOO nice". I'm sure there are many men out there that have been dumped by that excuse. The guy probably thinks, "What the hell? Do I have to beat her or push her around a little to get her interested in me? What am I doing wrong? I do everything I can to make her happy!"

Let's analyze this part right here, "I do everything I can to make her happy!"

Doesn't this sound like the perfect guy? Who wouldn't want a life partner that acted like that? I think everyone at first thinks that is great. Can you imagine if that really happened 24/7 though? Where is the conflict or compromise that makes for an interesting give and take relationship? What about YOUR happiness? People that have issues with self-esteem are going to always put their own happiness second. That sounds wonderful and selfless and perfect but you will lose your sense of self. How can you be true to yourself and truly be who you are and were meant to be if you are constantly going through life doing everything to please everyone else? Eventually you are going to get to a point that you become a martyr. You'll be bitter because your partner doesn't go to the same extremes to make YOU happy. When will it be your turn to be shown the same sacrifice? This will poison every relationship you are in if you treat it like that. There needs to be compromise, it shows love on both sides and self worth. You DO deserve to be happy. Do what needs to be done to assure that but at the same time don't let it take you over. There is a happy medium to be found. That's why all those relationship books mention that compromise is so important.

So yeah, I think in this kind of situation you can be too nice. I want excitement and give and take. I want a chance to show that I love and a chance to be loved.

No comments: