Thursday, May 7, 2009

Bacon Grease and Love Complications

This is a Natalie emotional update! YAY :p

Love Complications

There are a few things that I'm worried about currently. I like to write them down because it keeps me aware of them so I won't become complacent.

I'm tempted by idiots with a pretty face! If they are only slightly idiotic then I'm worried I'll fall for them because they are hot or just tall. Tall guys are hot. I used to think guys with large *cough* vocabularies did it for me. It does to an extent but at the same time I get a little intimidated. I don't know why, I'm awesome! It's just that stupid self esteem that gets in the way. It's hard to put yourself out there to be judged by members of the opposite sex over and over and over again. Go take a hike if you don't like what you see! On a side note, what is up with guys gathering a fan club of girls that think they are hot when in reality they are probably chatting it up with one hot chick that they are REALLY interested in. Rude!

I'm STILL worried about being able to differentiate between the types of love. I think with experience, painful heart-wrenching I want to cry for days experience, I'll be able to figure it out. I do know that it won't kill me and I'll make it through as a stronger and better adapted person. So BRING ON THE PAIN!

Speaking of pain, I'm also worried that I'm going to settle for a person just so that I don't have to live with my mother anymore! I have to keep reminding myself that it's better than living out on the street in a cardboard box. I get tempted to be with someone because it's wonderful to be an object of affection. It's cool to be liked for yourself and to have someone totally interested in anything you have to say!

When do I know if a relationship is going to work out or not? Am I leading that person on by trying to see if time will help me with the answer? Am I wasting time or doing a disservice to myself by waiting to see if a friendship/relationship will grow into love? Is that the kind of love I want romantically or should I look for hot lust-filled can't keep our hands off each other type of love? Is that love? Is lust a necessary part of love or is it just superficial because time will turn all our attractive qualities sour?

What if I was in a relationship and had doubts? How long do I stay with that person? Do I stay until I'm shackled down by shared responsibilities like kids and debt? Is staying easier than leaving? I worry that it will be a case of cooking bacon naked. Sure it's easier to hop out of bed and just start cooking your bacon without getting dressed but it's going to get painful in extremely sensitive areas. That would be the same thing as staying with someone you didn't love. Sure it's easier not to break up with them and cause the instant hurt and hard ache but over time you'll get burned little bits at a time until your so scarred you don't recognize yourself anymore. That's a lot of bacon!

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