People always search for their "other half"
The one that will know them better than any other.
I'm a twin. We grew up.
My "other half" that was always there, is now missing most days. We have seperate lives and we've made different choices.
When I was a kid, I always dreamed of living next door to my sisters. We would have babies together, go on walks together, complain/praise about our spouses together. Jen was always included. I felt like I bridged a gap between my two sisters. At times I would feel closer to Jen, other times I would feel closer to Amy. I always had someone though.
As I got older, my relationship with my brother grew. He was someone to rely on and be there for me since the person I picked, to live the remainder of my life with, wasn't living up to his end of the bargain. Every once in a while he would do something thoughtful for me. One Easter he brought me an entire bag of only purple M&Ms. He saw them and thought of me. Another time he saw some pretty purplish-silver pillowcases, and gave them to me. He saw them and thought of me. Recently I had to fix a broken heart. I wanted to be upbeat so I set my status on facebook that I needed happy socks. I have a drawer full of them. I proceeded to put some on and wear them all day. I didn't think about them as much as I should have. I didn't smile often that day. Near the end of my shift, my brother showed up with a bag. He gave them to me, a little embarrassed and apologetic. He had picked out 3 pairs of "happy" socks. He was nervous whether or not I would like them. He had gone to the store specifically to look for socks that would brighten my day. It was so sweet that I was in his thoughts that much.
My mother has always been a constant in my life. She did everything she could to make sure her children were happy. She lived for us. As soon as she had children, her choices then were made BECAUSE of us. Her life wasn't happy. She grew up in an abusive home. When she met dad, she thought he was the one. He was so much better than any previous experiences she had had. We choose our life partners based on a whole lot of things. She didn't have the same opportunities to view love and happiness so she didn't have a good past to compare someone to. Her future seemed so much brighter that she was blinded and didn't realize there may be other and better possibilities. For quite a long time she was as happy as she knew how to be. She found joy and accomplishment in taking care of and raising her children. As we got older, she had to shift her focus off of us. This was extremely hard for her because so much of her happiness in life was tied up in us. She was at a loss. She didn't have too many hobbies to shift focus to. She discovered that she didn't want to keep living with the person she had put up with for so long. She finally chose something for herself, to find her own happiness. That road she went down and is continuing to go down, has been a struggle. People don't understand. People judge. Choices in the present, tainted memories of the past. Things she had worked so hard for all her life would disappear. People let her down over and over again. The kids that she had done so much for, were selfish and unappreciative. They struggled not to judge her. Sometimes they succeeded, sometimes they didn't. I can't even imagine the pain that would have caused her. She sees her children make mistakes and it hurts her that she can't prevent it. It hurts her when we hurt. She wants to fix it all for us but she can't. She struggles with that. The only thing she is guilty of in that instance, is that she loves us so much. How can we be upset with that? We don't like to hear what she has to say. We think we know better. We hope that our story will only be happy and that it won't end up like hers did. We don't realize all that she has gone through so we doubt her judgement. At this point in her life, she has seen and experienced ugliness, pain, beauty, joy, love, hate, blind judgement, acceptance etc. She is more equipped with wisdom than we are. Just because she didn't always make the right choices, doesn't mean that she hasn't learned from them. She could impart some of that wisdom, if we would listen. We aren't humble enough to hear her though. I think that because of her, I'm always trying to become more than what I am. I'm trying to improve myself and get closer to my potential. She believes I am capable of so much, why should I be hurt when she is disappointed in me? I should be so happy that she thinks that I can do better. She believes in me and she thinks I am better than I am. So I try to be better than I am always. Sometimes life overwhelms me. When that happens, she holds me and lets me cry on her shoulder. She tells me that she knows what I'm going through. My feelings aren't unique. I'm sure she's felt them before too. She isn't perfect but I love her just the same. She has always loved me unconditionally, I haven't always returned that favor but I try. I forgive her when she's selfish and moody and cranky, and short with me. People are selfish because the hurt they are feeling overwhelms anything from the outside. They don't always have the ability to see past the hurt. She has always laid everything aside when I need her. She almost becomes a different person. She has a purpose and that purpose is to fix whatever it is that is wrong with her child. If she can't fix it, then she can be there for them. She's not always a silent partner in that relationship though. She's blunt. She can be hurtful. She never intends to cause pain with her words, thoughts, or actions. She always always just wants to help but she doesn't always know how. Because of her motivations, I find it easy to forgive her over and over again. It's easy to forgive someone if we can understand why they do the things they do. If we can figure out their motivation. This light goes on in our heads and we think, OH That's why they did that. Ok. I can live with that.
My family would step in and fill in the gap whenever they could. It wasn't always possible though and I wasn't often happy. They helped me to go on. If you aren't moving forward, you are moving backward. You can't stay in one place no matter how much you may wish it. They prodded me forward. They inspired me to always strive to be a better person.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to his Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
What do we have the power to change? Ourselves. That's about it. We can influence our surroundings and the people in our lives but only to a small degree. Wisdom is realizing that we can't control what other people choose. We can only change ourselves and hope to be an example that others may pattern their own lives after. Hopefully the choices we make, will make us examples of goodness. How do we make sure of that? Who should we pattern our own lives after? We have an example of perfection that we can try and aspire to. Jesus lived and we have records indicating the type of man he was. We have a cheat sheet! What would Jesus do? That isn't just a trendy phrase. We should make all our choices that way. We need to use Him as a pattern and hope we don't go too far off the lines.
We can't force anyone else to do what we think they should do. We should stop being frustrated when someone continually makes choices contrary to what we think they should make. Wouldn't it be easier if we could force people to do the things we think they should do? I think that person will be happy if they do this [insert proper choice] Should we have a magic wand and BLING they suddenly are doing it? I think that was Satan's plan in the pre-existance. That one got rejected in favor of free agency. Remember? No, I don't remember either. We are taught that way though. I have faith that I didn't choose poorly then or I wouldn't be here now. Peace will come if you let others live their own lives. Just accept them for who they are. Love them unconditionally. That doesn't mean you have to like the choices they make. That means you love them anyway. Concentrating on all the good things in a person makes it easy to love them that way. No one is perfect, if you keep looking for bad things in other people, you'll find it. Do you want to surround yourself with that kind of ugliness though?
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Everyone has trials. Everyone has hardships. It's a fact of life. How we weather those trials though shows the type of person we are. Without the pain in life, we don't fully appreciate Joy. Patience, longsuffering, humbleness...those are all qualities that will bring us happiness. We can slog through life's trials or we can sing through life's trials and then hopefully use those experiences for good.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
We are constantly deceived. We can be tricked into believing something is good when in fact it isn't. That happens because we only see part of what is going on. We don't see the whole picture. God sees the whole picture! We may not always understand what He has in store for us but if we live life by the teachings and examples of Christ, we can't go wrong. Luke 6:43 For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Just LOOK at the results and use that the judge whether something is good or not. If it is evil or wrong, it won't bring forth good fruit. Satan is good at tempting us with that fruit. It's so temporary though. The pleasure is fleeting when we go after those things. I need to continually strive to be humble and trust that the Lord's way is the right way. I don't need to justify myself or think of reasons to give in to sin. I don't have any reasons good enough to justify sin.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to his Will;
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