My guilty pleasures!

I read someone else's blog post about their guilty pleasures. This person put them out in the open so that maybe they wouldn't have to feel quite so guilty if people knew about them. I thought it was a GREAT idea! So I'm going to write mine down. I don't really have an order and I'm really a random person so I guess I will just write them down as I think of them.

#1. I like romance novels. Especially the cheesy fantasy based ones. The more supernatural powers and fantastical ideas, the better!

#2. I am addicted to gum. If I see a new flavor, I have to buy it. I can't resist. I also have a problem with swallowing my gum. I'm kind of a ding bat and I forget I'm chewing it and the next thing I know, it's gone. If I don't concentrate on it, I guess my body thinks it's food instead of something to keep my jaw busy.

#3. I'm attracted to geeks. I have tried to deny this, but I can't. They are just so dang cute! They are awkward and smart all at the same time. It's just adorable. I have this idea that they are so grateful when a girl pays attention to them and will treat her like she deserves because they can't believe that they rolled a 20 and they better take advantage of their luck! Next time it could be a 1 and that very well could mean their death.

#4. I love compliments. I never know how to respond to them, but I love them and I admit that I will seek them out more than I probably should. Here is a secret though, the best way is to be free with compliments yourself but make sure they are well thought out and sincere.

#5. I hate organizing. My room is pleasantly chaotic and I feel comfortable in it. That's the way my brain works. Sometimes the brain drives me nuts because I have a hard time focusing. I write to help me organize my thoughts. Organizing my room is an entirely different matter and not nearly as enjoyable as writing. I organize so much at work that it's hard to do it at home. Whoops I forgot to write a guilty pleasure on this one, I was just admitting a fault. I like hanging out with gay guys. They are funny, honest, and refreshingly themselves.

#6. I love talking about my problems with the hope that in some small way it can do some good. I read this really funny quote that said something like, If you can't be a good example, be a really horrible warning. I am so open about the mistakes in my past because I hope it can be a horrible warning to the young people I interact with in my life.

#7. I love bright funky socks, fingernail polish, and dangling earrings. At least they are small items and don't cost a ton, so when I spend money on them I don't feel TOO guilty.

#8. I talk a lot. Maybe I hope some of the things coming out of my mouth will be funny and I can make someone laugh. If I'm quiet, it's usually because I'm either editing myself, something is wrong, or I just don't know you well enough to burden you with the strong force of my personality. I can be a little bit overwhelming sometimes. If I have a strong opinion about something, I will tell it to you. I am also extremely honest. Growing up and getting to be a better person is sometimes a painful process. You have to be honest with yourself and your faults in order to overcome them.

#9. I LOVE when someone spends time thinking about me or talking to me or spending time with me. I have a deep need to be needed by others and it makes me feel a little more worthy of the Earth's precious oxygen.

#10. I love laughing. I laugh easily. If you want to feel funny, come tell me a joke. Even if it is stupid, I'll laugh. Keep the jokes clean though. I'm trying to keep my mind out of the gutter! It falls in there too easily for me to invite those kind of things into my head on purpose!

Being an adult...I don't remember signing up for this.

When you meet someone and start dating, how is everything supposed to happen? Do you work up to loving them or do you feel an almost instant love and spend the dating time waiting for the shoe to drop? Is there a right way?

Someone asked me if I felt that the person I was dating, was "The one". I replied that of course I thought they were the one. That's why I was still dating them. You break up when you realize they aren't the one, right? Or they throw the other shoe in your face instead of waiting for it to drop.

It's hard to let go of something like that. I feel as if I'm making progress and then something happens to jar my equilibrium. They send me a text saying hi. Or their family chats with me and I can't help but link them to him. One day you find out they have been terribly ill. Then you think about them MORE and you are worried about them. Praying for them to make it through. All the while, just falling back down into that hole you had been clawing to get out of.

Sometimes, Love Stinks.

Liking yourself

I'm not talking about liking what you see when you look in the mirror. That is a whole different post and something I haven't mastered yet. It will be something I am going to be working on though. I saw a cute status about it though that someone had put on facebook.

"My body is not perfect... but I nurtured my babies and I am proud! Too bad if we don't look perfect... but every mark, every line, and every bit of skin represents our beautiful babies and what we have done for them. Having a baby is no easy task! We are strong, we are brave, and we should be proud of ourselves."

I think that is a good place to start with that next goal of mine. :)

Anyway, back to the original reason for this post. Do you like who you are? Not what you look like but who you are on the inside? Why?

There is always some good and some bad in people. We are told over and over that no one is perfect. Except for Jesus of course. I like to believe that we have what it takes to become like him someday.

I haven't always liked who I was. I thought I was clumsy, forgetful, flawed, impatient, and basically just not good enough. It was frustrating to me and it also felt hopeless. There were a few events that happened in my life to shake it up a bit. Little by little I started taking those hard first steps forward. I found a path to self-improvement. I think I stumbled upon it because I was just so flippin tired of lies. There were lies all around me. It felt like a way of life even though I tried not to buy in. It was infinitely easier to lie to myself though. I lied to myself that I was happy. I was content with the direction that life was going. I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough for better and that I would be ok with what I had. I settled for a life that I knew deep down wasn't what I should have been doing. I was a casual observer because of the guilt I felt. It was easier to distance myself and just live a half-life. There was too much pain and it wasn't really happening to me. I am naturally forgetful but I started forgetting important events because I had somehow convinced myself that just observing was the way to go. I got really scared. I didn't want my life to be something muted and distant. I didn't want to forget the happy times with my children. I actually wanted to FEEL something. It seemed like I only really felt negative emotions, even though I tried to hide from them. It didn't really work. I still suffered through them but I did succeed in hiding from happiness and joy.

So how did I fix this? I am not really sure but I think that just becoming aware of the problem helped a lot. Eventually I worked up to being able to be brutally honest with myself. There is a fine line between low self-esteem and honestly admitting to your faults. I'm sure I fell off that line quite often. If it just felt hopeless or depressing, then I was going at it wrong. If it felt constructive and gave me hope that I was actually accomplishing something, then I knew I was doing it right. At first it was easier to work baby steps and concentrate on the easy to fix problems but eventually I ran out of those and knew that there was a whopper of a problem that I was avoiding. I didn't fix that problem out of the blue. There were several catalysts that kicked me into gear and almost forced me to make the hard decisions that I knew I should have made long ago. I lied to myself for a long time and justified my previous actions. I was out of chances and knew I needed to shape myself up. It felt out of my hands at the time but I'm so glad that events conspired to bring me to where I am now. Trials can bring out the best or they can bring out the worst. YOU decide how they are going to affect you. I indulged a lot in a poor me attitude. That's ok up to a point. There comes a time though that you have to snap out of it and move on with your life. Hopefully it's going in a forward motion. My favorite choir teacher used to say something to the effect that you can't stay in one spot. You are either moving forward or falling back. It really is true.

I like myself because I feel like I am moving in a forward motion most of the time. I'm honest with the things I need to work on and it gives me a goal. I also like myself because of my strengths and my talents. There were a few hidden ones that I never knew I had but life can surprise you in good ways too.

just more of my inner thoughts

I was chatting to a friend today and something gelled inside my brain.

Everything happens for a reason. We have the ability and chance to choose for ourselves the path our lives will take. Sometimes the path takes a rocky course that traverses up high mountains and down rocky ravines. We fall into the river and the muck and we struggle to get ourselves out. We ask why would God put these trials in our path or we wonder when we will get a break and things will finally go the way we want them to.

Why did I end up with my ex? Was that supposed to happen? I think it comes to our choices. One, of course, is better than the other and I know I didn't choose correctly. I was too stubborn and I deliberately blinded myself. I KNEW I shouldn't be with him. I KNEW I should have been doing something different and I knew I wasn't doing the things that the Lord would want me to do. I chose to ignore all that and give Jon a chance because I HOPED that things would go the way they were supposed to. Because I had done this, things did go the way they were meant to.

I had something that I needed to learn from that mistake. God can't take away our agency. We suffer for the choices we make or we are blessed for the choices we make. The suffering doesn't have to be needless though as long as we learn and progress from it. Making the same mistake over and over is just stupidity. I wasted a lot of time but we all know the great things that came out of that experience. I AM a better person than I was and I have wonderful children. I am lucky to always have my ex in my life as an example of how things were and could be again if I decide to be stupid and make stupid choices again.

Our trials bring us closer to God. It's sad that those things are what push us in the right direction. I'm grateful for the examples of those that have chosen the right path. I can see the difference that God has made in their lives. I can see the good gifts of the spirit that I want in my life. I see a lot more clearly the path that I need to stay on because I am intimately familiar with the pitfalls. That is one blessing that has come at great expense.

Everything happens for a reason. If we are totally honest with ourselves and have a good moral foundation to rely upon, we don't need to fear. If we have God in our corner to rely upon, we can look towards choices with gladness. We can embrace change and we can continually progress towards the ultimate goal of Eternal life and happiness with Heavenly Father, Jesus, and our families at our side.

I have to give a talk next week in Relief Society. She asked me to spend 5 to 10 minutes talking about the person or experience that has pointed me towards Jesus. All the great examples of righteousness, combined with the experience of not doing the things that the Lord wanted me to do, was a sufficient catalyst for me to choose to go towards Jesus and learning about him and striving to become like him. When I am being Christ-like, I love myself. You can't help loving Jesus because he is our savior and he was perfect. He is a worthy example to emulate and that increases our own worth in our eyes. He loves us no matter what we are or what we choose. Our choices will give him degrees of happiness or sadness though. The more love there is for a person, the more powerful the happy and sad times. God loves us infinitely and Eternally. I want to cause him great joy because he has done all he can for me.

4:45am continued

I started writing more because the stuff I had written previously wasn't enough to get me to go to sleep.

People always search for their "other half"

The one that will know them better than any other.

I'm a twin. We grew up.

My "other half" that was always there, is now missing most days. We have seperate lives and we've made different choices.

When I was a kid, I always dreamed of living next door to my sisters. We would have babies together, go on walks together, complain/praise about our spouses together. Jen was always included. I felt like I bridged a gap between my two sisters. At times I would feel closer to Jen, other times I would feel closer to Amy. I always had someone though.

As I got older, my relationship with my brother grew. He was someone to rely on and be there for me since the person I picked, to live the remainder of my life with, wasn't living up to his end of the bargain. Every once in a while he would do something thoughtful for me. One Easter he brought me an entire bag of only purple M&Ms. He saw them and thought of me. Another time he saw some pretty purplish-silver pillowcases, and gave them to me. He saw them and thought of me. Recently I had to fix a broken heart. I wanted to be upbeat so I set my status on facebook that I needed happy socks. I have a drawer full of them. I proceeded to put some on and wear them all day. I didn't think about them as much as I should have. I didn't smile often that day. Near the end of my shift, my brother showed up with a bag. He gave them to me, a little embarrassed and apologetic. He had picked out 3 pairs of "happy" socks. He was nervous whether or not I would like them. He had gone to the store specifically to look for socks that would brighten my day. It was so sweet that I was in his thoughts that much.

My mother has always been a constant in my life. She did everything she could to make sure her children were happy. She lived for us. As soon as she had children, her choices then were made BECAUSE of us. Her life wasn't happy. She grew up in an abusive home. When she met dad, she thought he was the one. He was so much better than any previous experiences she had had. We choose our life partners based on a whole lot of things. She didn't have the same opportunities to view love and happiness so she didn't have a good past to compare someone to. Her future seemed so much brighter that she was blinded and didn't realize there may be other and better possibilities. For quite a long time she was as happy as she knew how to be. She found joy and accomplishment in taking care of and raising her children. As we got older, she had to shift her focus off of us. This was extremely hard for her because so much of her happiness in life was tied up in us. She was at a loss. She didn't have too many hobbies to shift focus to. She discovered that she didn't want to keep living with the person she had put up with for so long. She finally chose something for herself, to find her own happiness. That road she went down and is continuing to go down, has been a struggle. People don't understand. People judge. Choices in the present, tainted memories of the past. Things she had worked so hard for all her life would disappear. People let her down over and over again. The kids that she had done so much for, were selfish and unappreciative. They struggled not to judge her. Sometimes they succeeded, sometimes they didn't. I can't even imagine the pain that would have caused her. She sees her children make mistakes and it hurts her that she can't prevent it. It hurts her when we hurt. She wants to fix it all for us but she can't. She struggles with that. The only thing she is guilty of in that instance, is that she loves us so much. How can we be upset with that? We don't like to hear what she has to say. We think we know better. We hope that our story will only be happy and that it won't end up like hers did. We don't realize all that she has gone through so we doubt her judgement. At this point in her life, she has seen and experienced ugliness, pain, beauty, joy, love, hate, blind judgement, acceptance etc. She is more equipped with wisdom than we are. Just because she didn't always make the right choices, doesn't mean that she hasn't learned from them. She could impart some of that wisdom, if we would listen. We aren't humble enough to hear her though. I think that because of her, I'm always trying to become more than what I am. I'm trying to improve myself and get closer to my potential. She believes I am capable of so much, why should I be hurt when she is disappointed in me? I should be so happy that she thinks that I can do better. She believes in me and she thinks I am better than I am. So I try to be better than I am always. Sometimes life overwhelms me. When that happens, she holds me and lets me cry on her shoulder. She tells me that she knows what I'm going through. My feelings aren't unique. I'm sure she's felt them before too. She isn't perfect but I love her just the same. She has always loved me unconditionally, I haven't always returned that favor but I try. I forgive her when she's selfish and moody and cranky, and short with me. People are selfish because the hurt they are feeling overwhelms anything from the outside. They don't always have the ability to see past the hurt. She has always laid everything aside when I need her. She almost becomes a different person. She has a purpose and that purpose is to fix whatever it is that is wrong with her child. If she can't fix it, then she can be there for them. She's not always a silent partner in that relationship though. She's blunt. She can be hurtful. She never intends to cause pain with her words, thoughts, or actions. She always always just wants to help but she doesn't always know how. Because of her motivations, I find it easy to forgive her over and over again. It's easy to forgive someone if we can understand why they do the things they do. If we can figure out their motivation. This light goes on in our heads and we think, OH That's why they did that. Ok. I can live with that.

My family would step in and fill in the gap whenever they could. It wasn't always possible though and I wasn't often happy. They helped me to go on. If you aren't moving forward, you are moving backward. You can't stay in one place no matter how much you may wish it. They prodded me forward. They inspired me to always strive to be a better person.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to his Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

God grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

What do we have the power to change? Ourselves. That's about it. We can influence our surroundings and the people in our lives but only to a small degree. Wisdom is realizing that we can't control what other people choose. We can only change ourselves and hope to be an example that others may pattern their own lives after. Hopefully the choices we make, will make us examples of goodness. How do we make sure of that? Who should we pattern our own lives after? We have an example of perfection that we can try and aspire to. Jesus lived and we have records indicating the type of man he was. We have a cheat sheet! What would Jesus do? That isn't just a trendy phrase. We should make all our choices that way. We need to use Him as a pattern and hope we don't go too far off the lines.

We can't force anyone else to do what we think they should do. We should stop being frustrated when someone continually makes choices contrary to what we think they should make. Wouldn't it be easier if we could force people to do the things we think they should do? I think that person will be happy if they do this [insert proper choice] Should we have a magic wand and BLING they suddenly are doing it? I think that was Satan's plan in the pre-existance. That one got rejected in favor of free agency. Remember? No, I don't remember either. We are taught that way though. I have faith that I didn't choose poorly then or I wouldn't be here now. Peace will come if you let others live their own lives. Just accept them for who they are. Love them unconditionally. That doesn't mean you have to like the choices they make. That means you love them anyway. Concentrating on all the good things in a person makes it easy to love them that way. No one is perfect, if you keep looking for bad things in other people, you'll find it. Do you want to surround yourself with that kind of ugliness though?

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Everyone has trials. Everyone has hardships. It's a fact of life. How we weather those trials though shows the type of person we are. Without the pain in life, we don't fully appreciate Joy. Patience, longsuffering, humbleness...those are all qualities that will bring us happiness. We can slog through life's trials or we can sing through life's trials and then hopefully use those experiences for good.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding

We are constantly deceived. We can be tricked into believing something is good when in fact it isn't. That happens because we only see part of what is going on. We don't see the whole picture. God sees the whole picture! We may not always understand what He has in store for us but if we live life by the teachings and examples of Christ, we can't go wrong. Luke 6:43 For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Just LOOK at the results and use that the judge whether something is good or not. If it is evil or wrong, it won't bring forth good fruit. Satan is good at tempting us with that fruit. It's so temporary though. The pleasure is fleeting when we go after those things. I need to continually strive to be humble and trust that the Lord's way is the right way. I don't need to justify myself or think of reasons to give in to sin. I don't have any reasons good enough to justify sin.

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to his Will;

He will lighten your load. If you trust him, the worries are gone and peace is within reach..

4:45am

UGH! Why did I wake up that early?

When I fell asleep, I was sad. I talked to my twin sister yesterday evening and she tried to cheer me up. It helped to vent to her but I was so mired in what I was experiencing and feeling that it didn't really help at the time. I was being selfish.

I had a dream about her. I don't remember exactly what happened in the dream but it ended with her and I in a recording studio. We were making up a song on the spot and getting it recorded. It was rough and frankly it wasn't that great but it made me cry. I woke up and I my thoughts were racing. I was wide awake and I couldn't fall back to sleep. So I ran upstairs and got a notebook and wrote the stupid song down. I don't know how to write a song! I'm not creative like that. I ended up with 2 melody lines that are basically the same but opposite as well. It's like a mirror. In a lot of ways Amy is a mirror of myself. I had some sappy lines as well. They sort of conveyed how I was feeling but the structure got in the way. Then I thought about just changing that into a poem. Every once in a while I get hit with inspiration and I want to write something thought provoking but vague enough that anyone can read it and relate. That didn't work for me either. I have disjointed starts and stops and phrases and meanings, and some rhyming words and I just couldn't find a pattern I was happy with.

Then I decided that I just need to just write my thoughts and feelings. I opened up word pad. I wanted to write something to her to tell her how I felt. I think it all started because of something she said to me last night. She was trying to tell me how much she needs me in her life. She said she didn't know what she would do without me. I know that she would go on. She doesn't rely on me for anything that is life and death. She's an adult, she can provide any of that for herself. I don't need her for that stuff either. She is one of the reasons that make my life worth living though. She is someone I always look forward to talking to and sharing everything with. I know she loves me even when I'm not that fun to be around. When I'm in a rotten mood or when I'm feeling hopeless, she isn't dragged down by me. She tries to lift me back up. She admitted that one of the reasons she loves me is because I can crack a joke even when my heart is breaking. I'm glad that I can provide some amusement to those people in my life that have to deal with my meltdowns. That isn't sarcastic or anything. It is a source of hope for me. I know I must be really bad if I can't see humor in a situation. If I can't even laugh about anything, then I'm on a brink and I'm in danger of falling. I'm blessed to have uplifting people in my life. Of course I feel like a burden at times. When that happens I try to see it from their point of view. Do they resent me? Most likely they don't. They probably think I'm silly at times but I'd like to think that when I have to lean on them, it makes their own burdens seem lighter. How would that be possible? Well they can think, hmm I'm SO glad I don't have to deal with that. It makes my own problems seem trivial. People say, it could always be worse. Sometimes I'm one of the examples of when it could be worse. Sometimes I'm not. They are my examples of "it could always be better" and it gives me something to work towards. It gives me hope that all isn't lost. Because of their love and examples, giving up isn't an option to me. Sometimes I like to wallow a bit in the sadness. Purge myself with crying and then suffer with a stuffy nose and burning eyes for hours after. After I do that, I can move on and concentrate on bigger and better things.

I get feeling down because I feel like I do everything alone. I live my life basically alone at the moment. I don't have anyone to shop with or hang out with in real life. That sucks sometimes but then I realize that I have a phone and I do have people in my life that will answer, no matter what time it is that I call. They may not be available to chat with me while I shop but I am comforted by the fact that if I really need them, there are a handful of people that will be there for me. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to call on that so often. Hopefully someday I won't have to and I'll be able to find the peace I'm looking for. I also hope that I can get into the habit of praying more often. That is a constant source of love and support that I don't take advantage of as often as I should. I get bogged down and I forget. Which is what the adversary is hoping, right? My family and friends help lift me up high enough that I can stretch out my arms and reach higher, maybe high enough to take the Hand that is always offered.

Thank you.

Love

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

I really can't think of a better example of love right there.

How can we ever be worthy of such a gift and sacrifice?

For a long time I felt unworthy of that gift. I felt unworthy to even talk with God or ask for help for things. I let myself become estranged from the one thing that would help me feel worthy. It was a loop that I couldn't escape. I went around and around. I felt hopeless and because of that, I never attempted to get out of the circular thinking.

Mosiah 4:7 I say, that this is the man who receiveth salvation, through the atonement which was prepared from the foundation of the world for all mankind, which ever were since the fall of Adam, or who are, or who ever shall be, even unto the end of the world.

I don't see any exceptions there. It is available for everyone! Even one such as I!

I know I'm not perfect and that sin is inevitable. Why can't I pay for it myself? Why can't I do the suffering? Why do I need the atonement?

I was reading a book, Believing Christ, that was recommended to me by a very good friend. There is a passage in it that says this:

A covenant is a contract, an agreement with terms and obligations binding upon both parties. In modern times we validate a contract and make it binding and legal by having both parties sign it. In ancient times covenants were validated and made binding by shedding the blood of a sacrificial animal. Hence, the Hebrew idiom for making a covenant is "to cut a covenant." The blood of the sacrificial victim was called "the blood of the covenant," and when it was shed, the terms of the contract were considered to be in force and binding upon both contracting parties.

Jesus is the sacrificial victim for the atonement. That's why he is referred to as the Lamb of God. By the shedding of this innocent blood, it makes the contract or covenant valid and binding. It seems a bit barbaric but that was how covenants were made back then. Christ had to be perfect because it called for a sacrifice. He never had to suffer those things because he never committed the sins in the first place. He had the ability to choose the suffering. We suffer because of the consequences of the inevitable sins we commit. We don't have the ability to choose to suffer or not.

People suffer for sins every day. Is that suffering enough to atone for the mistake? The Mosaic law was introduced to help people atone for their sins. It was a just way to pay for those sins because the world didn't have the atonement yet. An eye for an eye etc. If you cause someone to lose an eye and you lose yours in return, isn't that a sufficient punishment to satisfy the conditions of the sin? I believe we have two sets of consequences for sins we commit. There are earthly consequences and heavenly consequences. We experience the earthly consequences when we break the law. We have to pay fines or go to jail. The atonement is our heavenly get out of jail card but it isn't for free. As imperfect humans, we do ALL we can to atone for the sin we have committed. Let's say you did poke someone's eye out and you lose your eye in return. What about the loss of sight that you can never restore? You can't fully atone for what you did because you can't make that eye grow back. We can't cross that gap ourselves, that is where the atonement comes in. God requires of us to do all we can, then he will take care of the rest. He knows we can't do it all ourselves and he knows that we will never be perfect except through the atonement. If I feel unworthy of that gift, then I'm calling God a liar. Seems harsh doesn't it? He created us all in his image. We have God potential in all of us. If he created us to be that amazing and awesome, then we are. Simple! You are worthy of forgiveness and don't you forget it.

This stuff I've just spouted. It's what I believe in. I have faith that God will help me cross that gap. I trust that he will forgive me once I've done my part. I feel worthy of that forgiveness because He thinks I'm worthy.

That is love. He loves us unconditionally. Even in sin he loves us. He wants to keep his promises to us but we have to do our part.

Faith

Alma 32:21

And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.

With hope, faith is possible!

Faith is the first principle of the gospel.

Mark 9:23

Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

What a great promise! We just have to humble ourselves and trust in the Lord. It says ALL things are possible. If you don't think it's possible, then you are disrespecting God.

You can't have faith without hope. They go hand in hand.

I have faith that the atonement is for everyone. Nobody, except Jesus Christ, is exempt. We aren't perfect. I have faith that if I live righteously, then God will bless me and everything will work out according to plan. I have faith that if his plan doesn't match mine, his will be better. Always. I want to benefit from the blessings of righteous living. I want to be an example to my children. With God, all things are possible. My weaknesses will be made strong, my children will benefit from my example, if I teach my kids good things, then they can pass that on and affect many future generations. I have faith that God hears my prayers. He knows what is best, I will trust him and he will help lighten my load. I've already experienced that. It's up to me to thank Him and to be worthy of his abundant unselfish-ness.

Hope

Hopelessness

This is a feeling that we have all experienced at one time or another. I have felt it on and off through out my life. I had periods of it this last week. Tonight I was thinking about it and I wondered why it came and went. Why did I feel so hopeful one day and then the next day I felt such a crushing weight upon me, one that I couldn't remove?

Satan wants to end hope. He wants us to feel hopeless because then we won't try. We won't work towards being better people. If we don't have hope that there is better out there for us or that we can become better, then why even try? We would just live life day to day and react to what is thrown at us. I don't want to live like that. I want to shape the world around me. I want to be a force of good and light! I want to have the control in my life to act instead of just react to everything. This is extremely hard for me. It's easier to procrastinate at the time but then it's harder to fix things because we are always reacting to one chain of events or another. If we are always doing the things needed to be a better person, then as a side effect, it takes care of certain things in our life.

Everything is SO mental. If we believe we can, then we do. If we think we are worthy and worth it, then we don't settle for mediocrity. If we think that life is too hard and that God expects too much out of us, then we are looking at things the wrong way. Shouldn't you be flattered that someone out there thinks that you CAN do it? God knows we have the potential, that's why He expects so much. If He thinks we are that awesome, then why can't we think that way about ourselves too? Do we think we know better than God?

There is a fine line between being humble and feeling inferiority. Satan is going to do everything in his power to push us towards that negativeness.

I am starting to remind myself that if I feel hopeless, inferior, and unworthy, then that isn't me thinking. That is never how God would want his creations to feel. Those feelings aren't of God so that means they are from Satan. Banish that thought process right now.

I've made too many mistakes in my life that are the result of those ungodly mindsets. I have settled, I haven't ever thought that I am deserving of happiness. Well that's just silly. If I think everyone deserves that, why don't I? Sure I've made mistakes, some worse than others. Everyone makes mistakes, it's part of the learning process. They aren't valuable if you don't actually learn from them, move on, and change.

Living alone!

So I've been jealous of my brother lately because he lives alone. I asked him what the best thing is about living alone and he said this...Being able to shower with the bathroom door open so that the mirror doesn't fog up.

I teased him about that being the BEST thing and the first thing he thought of. It must really be awesome. I was thinking of other benefits to the bachelor lifestyle. This is what I came up with.

Being able to eat cake mix and not feel guilty about never getting around to baking the cake.

You always get the prize in the cereal box.

Being able to leave the toilet seat in whatever position you want to.

Drinking milk out of the carton

Being able to take your time in the bathroom without kids banging on the door demanding your immediate attention.

Wearing clothes that aren't stained by children's bodily functions or dinner.

Sleeping when you want, where you want, how you want, clothing optional.

No remote control sharing.

No zit juice splattered on the mirror from someone else!

I think that really all I am jealous of is his privacy. After having kids, that is something you give up. I think that the benefits are worth the sacrifice though. Unconditional love is rare and should always be treasured.